Why New Year’s Resolutions Sink by Mid-January

Sunday mornings are my weekly planning and reflection ritual.

I head to my local coffee shop, order my coffee, settle into my seat with Teddy beside me — sniffing at everyone who walks past — and open my NFP Planner.

I sip and I look at the week that’s been.

At the moment, this season of planning is very much about finances.

Over the past 10 years, the planner has been used by me in so many different ways — work, wellbeing, big dreams, reflection, tiny steps — and right now, it’s supporting clarity around money.

Not perfection.  Just awareness.

As I was mid-sip and deciding whether I really need all 50 of my TV subscriptions, when a friend walked past and asked what I was doing.

I showed him the planner.

He laughed and said,
“Oh, I always start out strong… and then I give up.”

I replied,
“Of course you do. We all do. We’re human.”

What I’ve learned over the years — and one of the things I teach — is that goal-setting and habit-building aren’t a one-off decision. They’re a practice.

So often, we try to change too much, too quickly.
And when we can’t sustain it, we assume the problem is us.

But it’s not.

Our brains and bodies don’t cope well with sudden, sweeping change.
They like familiarity.
Rhythm.
Safety.

Change doesn’t respond well to force — it responds to coaxing.

To help bring this to life, I’m going to use swimming as the example. If water makes you nervous, you have full permission to swap this for something you now do easily but once had to learn. For today, though, we’re diving into swimming.

Imagine starting a new goal or habit is like learning to swim.

If you didn’t know how to swim and someone pushed you straight into the deep end, what would happen?

You’d panic.
You’d flail.
You’d probably sink.

Not because you’re incapable — but because your nervous system hasn’t learned what to do yet.

You wouldn’t start by swimming laps.

You’d start by putting your toes in the water.
Standing in the shallow end.
Learning to float.
Practising your breathing.
Holding onto the side.

You’d come back again and again — slowly building trust with the water.

No one expects a beginner swimmer to be perfect.
No one calls them a failure for needing support.
No one says, “Well, that’s it — you clearly just can’t swim.”

Yet when it comes to goals, habits, money, health, routines — we’re brutal with ourselves.

We jump in the deep end.
We expect mastery.
We ignore the learning curve.

And when it feels overwhelming, we climb out and decide we’re “not good at sticking to things”.

But giving up isn’t a character flaw.
It’s feedback.

It’s your system saying,
“This was too much, too fast.”

The work isn’t to try harder.
The work is to go gentler.

To ask:

• What’s the shallow-end version of this?
• What’s the smallest, kindest step I can repeat?
• What helps me stay in the water — even briefly?

This brings me to the mid-January wobbles.

Research tells us that 80 % of people who make a New Year’s resolution will abandon it by 19 January**, with a large drop-off happening in February.

Not because they don’t care.
Not because they lack discipline.

But because they’re trying to compete in an Olympic sprint freestyle…
when they’re still learning how to float.

Those wobbles don’t mean you’ve failed.
They mean you’ve reached the point where enthusiasm hands over to reality.

And that’s not the end.
That’s the beginning of learning how to swim properly.

So there I was — coffee cooling slightly, Teddy pawing at me to climb onto my lap, planner open — not as a rulebook, but as a companion.

Not asking, “Did I do enough?”

But instead:
What did I learn?
What worked?
What needs to be gentler this week?

That’s the practice.
And it’s one you’re allowed to return to — again and again.

This is exactly why the planner is designed the way it is.
It’s not there to tell you what you should have done — it’s there to help you notice what is happening, reflect, and gently adjust as you go.

As J.R.R. Tolkien so beautifully put it:
“Little by little, one travels far.”

No sinking required.

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